Lady Gaga needs a sandwich.

For the last few days, at work, I keep passing by the magazine rack and spotting the cover of the latest Rolling Stone magazine, featuring Lady Gaga. Check it out (look above this text). Here we see a strangely made-up lady with Betty Boop curves, Geisha-white skin, covered in bubbles. And it's all so gloriously PINK. How could it not catch my eye? The bubble get-up reminds me of a popular burlesque routine I have seen a few times, in which the dancer is covered in balloons and pops them one by one with her hair pin. Obviously, Lady Gaga decided to scale down with the bubbles so we can all see her magnificently airbrushed bod.

I really wasn't quite sure who this woman was, to be honest. Sure, I had heard of her. I think I even saw one of her music videos in a bar. But now she's on Rolling Stone and I felt like I had to investigate. I read her Wikipedia page (my source for useless and skewed information). Then I looked up some images of her on Google. Lady Gaga did "burlesque." Right. Pussycat Dolls-style burlesque that revolves around placing black duct tape X's over the nipples and hootchy dancing. If this is burlesque, I'm left to wonder, what is she teasing us with? There's nothing left to reveal when one prances onto stage and does this:

How charming! I have a few tips for Lady Gaga, based on the images and depictions of her in the media:

- Eat a goddamned sandwich. It will taste good, really.

- Wear some PANTS. I read some quote about girls in the UK searching for "knickers" like Gaga's. LG wears her panties in public. I say, put it away. People should pay to see that crap and you're giving the world a free show. Tacky.

- Do not ever claim to have danced "burlesque." You did some jacked up neo-version of it. Burlesque is all about the art of the tease, and the only person you're teasing would need to be blind.

- Stop throwing yourself at the media. Let them come to you. Lady Gaga has some growing up to do, and unfortunately we all have to watch.

I suppose I'm ultra-fickle and senstitive today, though I really feel that Lady Gaga is the type of woman who makes the rest of us chickies look bad. In my opinion, the world would be better without little Donatella Versace wannabes flashing their butts on the red carpet.

Mike FM and his chauvanist antics

It's hard enough to find a radio station that doesn't suck out of sheer repetitiveness without having to deal with solicitation of the radio station that reeks of 1970's smarmy maleness. I usually listen to my college's radio station, WERS - probably the best college radio station in the country (from Emerson College). Yet, even indie rock has its own replayable canon.

I tuned into a station called Mike FM when I scrolled through the dial and heard REM's "Man on the Moon" playing. Then, comes the inveitable commerical that went something like this:

MALE RADIO ANNOUNCER VOICE: Your boss has only one request for you...that you stop sleeping with his wife.
VOICE OF THE BOSS MAN IN "OFFICE SPACE": Yeah, um, could you go ahead and do that from now on? Thaaaanks.

Haha! Soooooo funny. Right here we're assuming that A) One's boss is male, and B) Men strive to do nothing more than sleazily sleep with their superior's women folk. Did I miss something here? Are we still living in the Victorian Age? Do women not also listen to the radio and perhaps enjoy female announcer voices once in a while that they can identify with and male voices that don't push the sleaze and treat women (wives) as things to be had?

I realize I'm being a bit picky here, but it's precisely these short messages our ears are bombarded with all day long that create sexist attitudes.

Mike FM - kiss my un-wifely, female ass.